Suicide Prevention Day - A Bloke’s Guide
We believe today marks a very important day of awareness and consciousness, suicide prevention day.
Hey it’s Sam here team. I’ve jotted down a few life pointers I’ve been lucky enough to learn as a young fella growing up in a very blokey environment that I want to share in the hope that it grows people’s acceptance within themselves, putting a stop to some of the shocking mental health stats in New Zealand, particularly you blokes! If you’d told me I would be writing this publicly 5 or 6 years ago I would have laughed at you because I was stuck in the same false paradigm so many men shelter under today that does not socially accept true self-expression. Here at Dolph, we are all about this! Its ingrained in our music and band philosophy, so take a couple of minutes to have a wee read and I hope you can take something away for yourself.
1. Anxieties, depressions, hopelessness, insecurities, come in just about every way, shape or form possible, hidden within human nature. We cannot sense or control what someone is feeling all the time, but we can always show compassion, kindness, love, and an ear for just listening. A good old “how are you brother?” from the heart can change lives for some people. Be the first person to give others that invitation
2. Being a bloke does not mean you cannot show how you are really feeling, especially if those are feelings of vulnerability. I believe the biggest killer hidden within the NZ suicide stat is our inability to express and articulate our actual feelings to one another without feeling like a complete dropkick in society. The first time to reach out and be vocal about yourself is the hardest time, then it just becomes normal, and then life becomes normal again. It doesn’t make you “a pussy, gay, weak, pathetic”, the classic stigma labels our minds turn to as lads about opening our mouths, in fact quite the opposite. A lot of my mates understand this, and we often all just talk about how ‘it really is’. Some of those pricks are the manliest hardest bloody toughest brutes I know! And hey if you’re sitting there now thinking that you don’t have anyone you can talk to at all in your life, please message our page and you can join our culture.
3. Being vulnerable to yourself and others requires courage, integrity, and strength. Hiding from it and prolonging the process of getting in touch with yourself with the classics like booze, drugs, or any distraction for that matter, will always end in tears. I also understand how easy it is to fall into those dark places of fear and hide away in distraction and not want to come out, so if you’re in that ball of self-loath, just take a second to be kind and honest with yourself – do you need help? Put your hand up. There is no shame in that.
4. Time to stop comparing yourself to others. Unless you undergo plastic surgery or have a brain transplant, sorry cob, you are you, but no one else has what you have which makes you one of a kind. If you’re not feeling happy about yourself, maybe it’s time to do some digging and find out why. Childhood trauma can play havoc on our 2020 and future selves if we haven’t attempted healing. We can always change to become better versions of ourselves and getting the help we need to do so is quite simply just part of life!
5. Crying’s actually all good. Its biological AF. It releases tension. Don’t be afraid to allow true nature to take over when its needed and have a good old cry
6. A girl once told me that being vulnerable is hot?!?! So there you go. How good! I bet she’s right. Greater relationships are developed through raw emotion, because its real. I know my strongest relationships are ones that I can truly be myself and not give two flying fucks what the other person is thinking about how I’m expressing my honest feeling, and vice versa. It’s a beautiful thing.
7. Be open about this topic. Make it casual. Promote its awareness. Be open about this shit with your mates at the local hisser on a Friday, starting with that “how are you going brother?” question is a good start. Other people hearing willingness to you being open gives them permission to say “well fuck me dead, I’ve had the same experiences”– I’ve seen this work many times before within my peer groups
8. A very wise man once told me “Any inner thoughts other than “I’m a fucken Rock Star’ are pretty much a lie. We are products of our past, but we are not prisoners of it” - (Jono Spark, 2019). Stop beating yourself up, and your feelings in the process.
9. Feelings of hardship and pain or what most would deem negative are actually our greatest teachers in life. Harnessing the disappointment, sadness, embarrassment, failures, whatever may have occurred, is what we must learn from for us to grow as people. I’ll be the first to admit the long tailing list of complete and utter cock ups I’ve made for myself or others in the past that were excruciatingly hard to deal with, however, these have been my learning to where I am moving towards today, without them, I may not have grown. Our mistakes create our future, as hard as they can be sometimes. Just remember, there will always be another way, always. Life is not going anywhere in a hurry. We can change at any point in time as people, no matter how low you are.
10. If in doubt, always reach out. If you’re really stuck in an emotional K hole or perhaps just feeling a bit off, knowing when to put your hand up and say “”yol guys, fuck, I need some help” is what we want to hear! For the uninitiated, that might just look like a phone call, a beer with a mate, a walk or a run, a self-meditation – anything you like.
11. My final comment would be a great quote from Bear Grylls that I loved from reading one of his books on leadership “No one cares how much you know unless they know how much you care”. Paying attention to your friends and family and checking in regularly is key and people will appreciate you for it. But remember to give that same attention to number one, yourself!
If you’re struggling and need help, please send us an email at dolph.mgmt@gmail.com and we will help you seek professional or friendly support.
Kia Kaha